Three Easy Ways to Improve Your Relationship

Article by Sarah Joseph, who has some easy tips for strengthening your romantic relationship post-baby.

When you become parents your relationship changes. For some couples, the quality improves. But for two thirds of parents a dramatic decrease in relationship satisfaction occurs according to Dr. John Gottman of the Relationship Research Institute. I think we can all agree that our focus shifts when we become parents. Often our relationship with our partner takes the back burner and our children become our number one concern. In the Bringing Baby Home Program designed by Gottman, we teach parents why this is not in the best interest of your family. Today I’d like to share some tips from the program for shifting that focus back where it belongs.

The Importance of a Healthy Relationship

Research shows that the parental relationship plays a significant role in our children’s future success. Children thrive in households where the couple’s relationship is functioning well, where both partners feel supported and where the relationship is getting the attention it requires. In such settings, kids demonstrate greater success in school, have less physical illness and show a greater emotional connection with both parents.

As parents it can be difficult to find the time to focus on our relationship, to really talk and connect. Sometimes we let it go so long that we don’t know what to say. Becoming a parent brings so many changes; within ourselves, our roles as both parent and as partner, our values, our priorities, and our dreams. So it’s important to get to know each other all over again. Take the time to ask questions and discover the people you have become.

Three Tips for Improving your Relationship

Here are three easy ways you can improve your relationship for your whole family’s benefit:

1. Turn Towards Each Other – We all make ‘bids’ for connection and attention, they can be as subtle as, “Wow look at that sunset,” or as clear as, “can I have a hug?” How you respond to these bids really matters. Turning towards by listening, responding, asking questions, showing interest and love helps our partners feel valued and important.
2. Be Positive – Positivity is contagious! Kids who are treated positively treat others the same way. Be positive to your partner and you will see more positives returned. Point out what people are doing well and they will want to increase that behaviour.
3. Get Criticism Out of Your Relationship – Research shows if criticism is used in the first three minutes of a conversation the rest of the conversation will be negative. Criticism means to make a complaint but to add blame suggesting the problem is a character defect in your partner. For instance, beginning complaints with you always or you never or what is wrong with you? Remember there is no such thing as constructive criticism.

Information Night

The best gift you can give your children is a strong, healthy and happy parental relationship, which starts with a strong friendship. Remember we all have the same 24 hours in a day; how we connect or fail to connect with our partners is a matter of our choices and priorities.

For more information about the Bringing Baby Home Program, which is for couples with kids of all ages from pregnancy right on up, visit prenataltoparenting.com. Prenatal to Parenting is hosting a free Bringing Baby Home Information Night on April 20, 2012 at The Birch Tree. Email [email protected] to register.

Sarah Joseph is a Certified Gottman Educator. She has been working with women and their families for over eight years in a variety of setting as a social worker. After the birth of her first child she started Prenatal to Parenting where she offers childbirth education, doula support and parent education. The rest of the time she is enjoying being a stay-at-home mom to her two energetic kids.

*Image Credit – Feature image from Lenny Baker on Flickr.